Dances With Wolves: Teen Pop Culture Redux, Part Whatever

"I've got a bad outside hook shot, I'm allergic to eggs, I got a six dollar haircut. I mean, I have problems. I don't need this one." - Teen Wolf

For real, Teen Wolf. Don't we feel your angst.

And, because there is no end to my love for bad '80s teen movies, I got real excited about having a Teen Wolf and Teen Wolf Too double feature night. Weren't you invited? I had this double feature party all by myself. But I'll sum these movies up for you, since - trust me - you missed out.

Wolfie's prettyin' up for prom!

Teen Wolf was made in 1985, and stars Michael J. Fox as a high school basketball player named Scott. Scott is crushing on some snooty blonde girl named Pamela, but she has a boyfriend and thinks Scott's a dork. Meanwhile, Scott's best female friend, Boof, is in love with him, but he's pretty clueless about it. It's a love triangle! But since we've seen this plot in thousands of other teen movies, everybody knows he's gonna end up with the nice girl whose name sounds like a slang word for her vagina. Boof + Scott = high school lurve 'til prom does them part.

To complicate things, poor ol' Scotty has been going through some werewolf-y changes recently. This mostly means that his nails sometimes grow super long in a matter of seconds, his eyes flash red, and his voice gets real deep and sounds weirdly computerized. Poor Scott is at his wits' end and is all, Man, what is this, late on-set puberty? It's a hard-knock life, bro.

But it turns out that being a werewolf comes in handy when you want to stock up for a high school kegger:

You know he got that keg. Anyways, Scott finally figures out what all those weird changes are about when he transforms into a werewolf during a full moon. And it turns out that werewolfiness is genetic, because his dad's a wolf too.

Scott tries to hide the fact that he's a werewolf from the kids at school, but eventually he transforms in front of them during a basketball game. At first, they're weirded out, but then he gains a sudden cool factor and becomes the high school phenom. There's a whole sequence devoted to Teen Wolf as the cool guy in school, walking through the hallways, high-fiving guys and wooing girls.

High fives: universal sign that you're cool.

There's even a part where Teen Wolf sasses the vice-principal, swaggers away and then break dances in front of some black guy in a newsboy cap, who high-fives him while a group of kids cheer him on. Why doesn't this kind of thing happen more often in real life? I mean, really.

Anyway, Teen Wolf gets to have hanky-panky and hang with his crush Pamela for a while, but she doesn't want to date him, she's just attracted to his cool factor. Being a wolf apparently means that he has lotsa sexual confidence and is suddenly a really good basketball player. And now he can open soda cans with his wolfy incisors, which for some reason the ladies (i.e., Pamela) are totally into:

My, what big teeth you have.

And his goofy best bro-pal (who is the most ridiculous, and therefore probably my favorite character in the whole movie) capitalizes on Scott's new popularity by making and selling Teen Wolf souvenirs, like this rad T-shirt that Teen Wolf''s boudoir-buddy Pamela has on:

Teen Wolf shirt: advertising a movie within the movie.

Don't you want your woman to wear a T-shirt with your nickname on it? Yeah, you do. Anyway, this movie ends with Scott realizing that you don't need to be a werewolf to win a basketball game or to settle for your best female friend/the yuppie brunette girl who has liked you all along. Inspiring stuff.

Fast forward two years later, to 1987, and we've got Teen Wolf Too (no, I'm not spelling-challenged, that's the title). I guess the creators wanted to capitalize on the lucratively successful teenage werewolf genre. And boy, am I glad they did!

There are only two things you really need to know about this movie: one, that it stars a young Jason Bateman as Todd, Scott's cousin. If you watch TV ever, you're sure to remember Jason Bateman as the actor in Arrested Development who plays Michael Cera's dad. The other thing you need to know is that he's a babe in glasses. That's right, his character sometimes wears a pair of clear plastic specs, because he's a Biology nerd or whatever. I don't really care why, I just wanted him to wear them more often instead of sticking them in his jacket pocket after finding a slide sample.

Rad specs, bro.

The whole time I was watching this flake of a movie, I was thinking, put those damn glasses back on, Jason Bateman. Don't agree that these specs are hot stuff? Well, get stuffed.

Next time: lingerie, France, La Séduction, and cultural appropriations in fashion -- not necessarily all in that order or in one post. Yes-uh, please-uh!

Respectfully Reserved for Cowboys

Because I'm the biggest nerd you know (eh, that's debatable), I've been reading up on denim and its status as a democratic fabric. And you're the lucky winner who gets to hear what I've been reading about. So, 'ere we go:

History lesson, kiddos! Dear old denim started out as the uniform of rough-ridin' cowpokes in early 20th century America. Not until the 1950s did the fabric slowly migrate into the wardrobes of common folk. Even then, the older generation saw denim (especially in the form of jeans) as too casual and too sexually evocative (in a lookit-that-junk-in-my-trunk kind of way) and so jeans became the status item of rebellious young'uns. Hats off to rebels without a cause like James Dean for making jeans cool. Then along came the '70s and '80s, and to put it simple, folks of all ages started to like the way denim made 'em look and feel, and lo and behold, denim was popularized and democratized. Class dismissed.

So, denim still has that edgy cool, but it's not that controversial since just about everybody wears it nowadays. Ours is a casual culture, and denim's the fabric of the hoi-polloi -- and that means me and you, turtledoves! So without further ado, it's mother-shucking denim time:

 Cowgirl n' denim. Suede vest with some kinda fringe motif and a pink plaid cotton blouse. Keep your eye on that tight (not as in "cool", but as in "don't fit right") skirt, because it's going to appear in the next picture. I know, crazy stuff, but I bet you can handle it.

Casual silk n' denim. Gurl, that acid wash denim skirt is so hot, did you buy it? No way! You know what else is hot? Being able to breathe. Also, being able to sit down without feeling like your major intestines are going to projectile explode from the top of your waistband. Oh yeah. Hot.

Before you go, take a look-see at this video. It's guilty pleasure Swedish pop. Who am I kidding - I don't feel guilty at all, just pleased.

Got 99 Problems But A Witch Ain't One Of Them

A witch ain't one of 'em? Hey now, I'm not censoring Jay-Z! Nope. I'm punning (which is probably worse) on the 1989 teen movie Teen Witch, the inspiration for today's post! If you haven't seen that teen dream vehicle, then you missed out on an all-American girlhood. But here's your chance to rectify your past!

I'll catch you up. Basic plot: Louise, an unpopular high school girl, discovers on her 16th birthday that she is a witch. Because she is kinda boring and unimaginative, she decides to use her magic to become popular. She dumps her cool Jewish (probs) best friend, gets in with the dumb popular girls, and starts dating the school's top alpha male, this jock named Brad who looks forty years old. Ew.

Magic can help you get the peen of your dreams! I'm not even being gratuitous here -- remember that scene when Brad drives Louise, newly christened the Most Popular Girl in School, up to that shack on the hill? Yeah. Case closed. (Photo via fanpop.com)

Anyways, the witch has some cool style, thanks to the film's costume department and the teen fashion of the decade. So, I's inspired! Why? Because, even though I'm in my young twenties, I still geek out over silly teen movies (calling Teen Witch dumb would imply that I don't derive amusement from watching it, and oh baby do I. The movie's over-the-top flamboyance and cheesy wish fulfillment is exactly why I'm into it -- and why you are too, babycakes!)

I got 'em at Goodwill: rayon n' polyester knit sleeveless sweater, paired with a brown leather belt with gold buckles. That's real gold that I plan to melt down so I can paint my cauldron. Put it all together! Nothing says "alpha female with magical powers" like a denim mini-skirt.

So, what's the logic behind "but a witch ain't one of 'em"? Well, the secret is - surprise surprise! - you don't need magic to have style. Nor do you need lotsa cash moneys, which is the whole point of this blog, duh. And witches are demanding and troublesome ladies, if Teen Witch is anything to go by, which it totally is, of course.

Doubtful? Read all about it here. My re-cap of Teen Witch is completely lame-o compared to this clever ol' thing from a Hello Giggles blogger. Also, I should mention that this particular Hello Giggles blogger, Elizabeth Sankey, is in a super cool band called Summer Camp (see video below) and that she writes her own blog. So, new hero!

My Favorite Baxters of Yesteryear

I've picked up a lot of important lessons from teen cult classics of the 1980s. Important movie lesson #1: the guy who should get the girl never does.

Wait, what? Aren't these '80s teen movies all about wish fulfillment?

Yeah, I thought so too, but I've realized that I got majorly gypped by most of my favorite teen movies of three decades ago. I used to think I was excited for the heroine who wins the crush of her dreams, but I finally woke up to the fact that in most cases I can't stand the guy that she chooses to be her boyfriend and/or prom date.

The nerds and good guys of yesteryear got trampled by the hunks of yesteryear, and that just ain't right. So, I've decided to compile a list of some of my favorite baxters of  '80s cinema. A baxter, according to the 2005 comedy The Baxter, is that nice guy who gets dumped by the protagonist in favor of a sexier, more exciting hunk o' man.

1. The baxter of all baxters, Duckie Dale in Pretty in Pink. Sure, Duckie's a wise-ass, he's a bit dorky and he over-romances Andie, the movie's heroine and the lady he's pining for. But he's funny and clever and he has the best style -- way better than even Andie's homemade fashions. And who could forget that scene when he bumps, grinds, and lip-syncs to Otis Redding? I know, there's already a Duckie fan club, and I just joined it.

Duckie Dale: Doin' things, lookin' good, not gettin' the crazy lady of his dreams.

And for some reason, he thinks Andie is the bee's knees. Honestly, I don't get why Duckie is friends with Andie -- most of the time she looks like she's thinking, Ugh, like, why am I friends with this dork? Whatev, I really need to buy more second-hand hats so I can sew some flowers on them before I go mope at the ska bar I hang out at even though I'm in high school. And she doesn't get Duckie's humor, like, at all. Andie's a strong female protagonist and an uber stylish femme, but she's really just super boring. She falls for Blane, the popular rich kid in the blazer. Sure, Blane's funny or whatever, but I couldn't get past his weird eyes or spindly fingers or the way he looks like he's drinking milk from a straw when he's kissing.

Okay, so I'll admit that Blane and Andie are pretty perfect for each other, since they're both pretty lame and boring. Plus, Andie can go from Strong Heroine to Total Basketcase at the flip of a New Order synth key. Like that scene when she confronts Blane after he hasn't answered, like, three of her phone calls. "WHAT ABOUT PROM. NO! WHAT ABOUT PROM!" she screeches while slamming his frail body into a locker. Who would be all up on that crazy lady? The boring guy in the blazer, of course!

2.  Lloyd Dobler's female friends in Say Anything. Lady baxters deserve mention too! Lloyd's trio of girl friends (D.C., Corey, and Pamela) are clearly in love with him, but instead he goes for that priss Diane Court.  I think Lloyd's totally cool and obviously a catch, and it helps a whole lot that he's played by John Cusack. But his woman just doesn't cut it for me.

Now, I can see you don't believe me when I say that there are baxters in Say Anything. But c'mon, just think about every scene when Lloyd is hanging out with his girl friends and planning his moves on Diane right in front of them. Yeah, check those girls' grins. Lloyd's totally clueless to the fact that his friends, especially D.C., the girl with the brunette perm, is completely gaga over him. And there's nothing more telling than that scene when Corey is like, "If you were Diane Court, would you honestly fall for Lloyd?" And Pamela and D.C. are all, "Yeah," while grinning like loony fools. Baxters.

An excerpt from D.C.'s Secret Diary! Dear Diary, Oh my gawd so remember when Corey warned Lloyd that he might get hurt if he went after D-bag Court and he was all, "I want to get hurt"? You said it Lloyd! Now you've gone and done it Lloyd. Why didn't you write me a poem instead. Me, Lloyd.  The girl with the perm? Why is your name Lloyd anyway, you're not a janitor and isn't this like 1989?

3. The Geek in Sixteen Candles. I swear I'm not hatin' on Molly Ringwald characters, or anything. But. Sweet-sixteen Sam is wasting her time with alpha jock Jake Ryan. She should've gone for someone - anyone - else. Even for the Geek, played by Anthony Michael Hall.

The Geek: One pair of panties away from macho geek hero.

Yeah, he's over the top geeky, and he's a lil' obsessed with building up his image as a suave high school womanizer. But he's kinda endearing. And he's better than the alternative, Jake Ryan, who's all, "I want a serious girlfriend. Somebody I can love that's gonna love me back." That's real sweet and touching, Jake. I'm glad you were able to bake that birthday cake by yourself and find a plaid shirt that suits your football player's physique. Jocks have feelings? Whaaaaaaat.

But I'll give this movie points for giving The Geek a chance of his high school lifetime in the car with Jake Ryan's girlfriend that Jake Ryan isn't into anymore because she's not deep enough or whatever (wow, you really respect women, Jake.) It reminds me of that triumphant episode of Freaks and Geeks when Bill gets his seven minutes of heaven with popular blonde Vicky at a kissing party. (I just love Bill, he's my favorite).

4. The Blind Date Guy in Teen Witch. Okay, this one's a pity vote. There's a scene in that slice of '80s cheese, Teen Witch (which is trying so hard to be Sixteen Candles), when dopey heroine Louise ends up at a school dance on a blind date. The blind date guy turns out to be both a dork and a total skeeze, but I think the film writers should've cut him some slack because he looks a bit like Buddy Holly and is a babe compared to the alpha jock Louise falls for.

Baxters R this guy: I don't even know why this promotional photo exists, because this Buddy Holly lookalike guy is a minor character who appears in Teen Witch for all of ten minutes.

So, in conclusion: if you're Lloyd Dobler, don't go for girl who's a total priss. And if you're a girl in an '80s movie thinking about going for a cool guy, don't do it. It's not worth it. He's either going to make your life stressful or super boring.

The right attitude to have is Veronica's in the movie Heathers when she says to J.D., who by then is her ex-boyfriend, "You know what I want, babe? Cool guys like you out of my life."

Take a lesson from Heathers: Dating a cool guy will MESS YOU UP, girl.

The Fire I Speak Of Is Not A Kind Fire

It's fall, and that means it's time to watch Twin Peaks again! I spent my past two Thanksgiving holidays making delicious, non-traditional Thanksgiving foods (stewed pears, grilled salmon, honeyed brie with candied nuts and raspberries, etc) and re-watching episodes of Twin Peaks with my best friends. You just can't beat that kind of odd but magical pairing, especially when you're riding high on the hog (culinarily speaking) and the crème de la crème of foods in Twin Peaks is nothing more than the local diner's cherry pie.

Twin Peaks is essentially a surrealist soap opera, and that right there makes it one of my favorite TV shows of all time. And what's a better style inspiration than a David Lynch-helmed TV show? There's no right answer to that one, unless you were gonna say, Nah-nah, nothing! 

The funny thing is, none of the characters on Twin Peaks have a really innovative style -- sure, Audrey Horne rocks the retro '50s-look, and Dr. Jacoby's got the eccentric PhD thing down pat (all clashing patterns and bizarre eyeglasses), but most everybody has gone for comfortable and woodsy. So, I'm not so much about copying any particular style as I am trying to translate feelings and atmosphere into clothes. 

Don't mind us, we're just lookin' all comfy and Pacific Northwest in our sweaters. (Via welcometotwinpeaks.com)

Yup, I think you can appreciate this post even if you're not familiar with Twin Peaks, because what I'm after is capturing moods through fashion/style. What moods? That it's-fall-again feeling, dark early nights, cool weather, woodsiness, nostalgia, wistfulness. I'm talking out of my aorta here, sorry.

What brought all this on? Y'see, I took myself and my wallet to NAM and invested in this oversized denim vest that reminds me of Killer Bob's woodsy sense of style.

Likey? It's actually not very Bob-like. It's not light wash enough, and the previous owner stuck some angels and hearts pins on it, which is not very evocative of the whole homicidal perv-o aesthetic. Maybe I'll chuck 'em. Or maybe I'll keep 'em.

This is a bit more Laura Palmer: sassy dark VELVET cheetah print mini skirt! A denim vest is sorta edgy and masculine and woodsy (whatever, that's how I think of it) and it looks so good with sassy femme materials like lace and velvet.

This is my outfit for an evening at the Roadhouse with my biker boyfriend Snake. (Totally kidding like a kidder). I've got my cheetah skirt, fishnet stockings, denim vest, and fake-lace top. Like I gushed earlier, I love the time-honored (okay, real '80s) masculine/feminine pairing of denim with white lace. It's like, hey sexiness, meet casual comfort and warmth.

For your enjoyment, I've posted the opening sequence of Twin Peaks (below.) The intro always makes me feel sort of sleepy and reminds me of dark fall days in Portland. I first watched this show when I was twenty, in my friend's spartan, low-lit apartment in Portland during the fall. It was actually the most perfect place and time to be exposed to the weird, delightful wonder that is Twin Peaks. After all, David Lynch is all about atmosphere.

Funny, the highest-rated comment on this YouTube video says: "One of my life's ambitions is to take a holiday in the Pacific Northwest, have a walk around Snoqualmie Falls and all the places used in Twin Peaks, and then have strong black coffee and cherry pie in the Double R diner, if it still exists when I have the money and time to savour the best TV show ever made."

I've done all of those things, baby! What do you do when you live in the Pacific Northwest and you've got some vacation time, but you're not into sports? You round up your friends and drive the fuck over to the small towns of North Bend and Snoqualmie in Washington, and enjoy some good views and some good eats at the Salish Lodge & Spa and at Twede's Cafe. Okay, more like good views, mediocre eats, and damn fine company.

PS. The (ever-clever) Style Rookie one-upped me with her Fall Vibes. But Twin Peaks and its associations are so close to me, I had to blog about my own style cues, too.

PPS. I think I've provoked that ol' rascal, the topic of gendered clothing materials -- what makes lace feminine, and denim masculine? Oh intrigue me further, oh baby, oh baby. I promise I will, one day!

HSTFUB, YASTPMO

Bad light, bad shirt, bad (ass) shorts.

I grew up in the '90s (omg my life is so boring) and the icons from my childhood range from tie-dye to bandanas, crop tops to platform shoes, girl bands to the "You go, girl" brand of feminism.

But when it comes to style, I think the '80s is totally buggin'. (Even though the '90s is responsible for that phrase -- kudos to Clueless.) I know "80's fashion rules the 2010s" is the QED of so many brands these days, from Forever 21 and H&M to Etsy and Ebay recyclings. But it's my personal favorite too, man.

What else is new, Susie Q? Well, okay, this:

I recently tried on a pair of Justin boots that had been reincarnated into a pair of shorts. That's right, I packed my stems into some belted leather shorts. (And when I say packed, I mean there was a crazy lot of zipping and belting up involved.)

Guess what? Even though they were bona fide God's gift to all BAMF-kind leather shorts, I didn't buy 'em. (Didn't suit me at all, and I just don't where I'd wear 'em.) So go get 'em, any and all nasty Houston gals. (And I'm appropriating the word nasty to mean bold and sexy, so go!) They're on the rack at Taxi Taxi on Westheimer. If you do, send me pics! Just kidding. Don't do that.

Speaking of boots, you best believe it is boot season. Just not in my part of the country yet. It may be October already, but it's still, like, 25 degrees centigrade in the shade in Houston. That doesn't mean I'm not already spending my time lusting after boots, because I totally am.

White Simones, via eBay.

Like this clinically insane pair of white lace-up Simone boots with lace cut-outs. And because I'm all hot and bothered for the fashion of the '80s, I'm gonna say they look like something Molly Ringwald's character might have worn with floral leggings in Pretty in Pink.

Via Glamourmagazine.co.uk.

 Floral leggings, check. And how's about some kinda white lace top? That would be peachy.

Via Etsy.

 With an acid-wash denim vest? Yes, please!

Via Etsy.

Y'see, designing outfits using the Internet is a useful hobby, even if you don't make any digital investments. Huzzah! That way, the next time you go thrifting or vintage shopping in the real world, you might have some ideas in mind of what to add to your wardrobe.

I'd like to end on a note that is completely unrelated to the rest of this post. Variety hour, folks! In which I name drop PB&J. Their music is super cool and at times super bad-ass, but Peter Bjorn and John own the distinction of having made some of the worst music videos I've ever seen. The video for "Lay It Down" is certainly down there in the worst-ever dumps, but while watching it I was struck by the video's setting -- that basement looks uncannily like the former Artistery in Portland, OR (it's not). Know what I mean, fellow PDX-ers?

You gotta admit, this song has a catchy hook. Whoa there, male sexual competitiveness, all of a sudden you're sounding real synthy and sexy! Thank the Swedes for that.

Under the Wear

Is it just me, or are a lot of TV shows these days capitalizing on a current fascination with the '60s?

Well, I hope it's not just me, because I'm banking on your reader support here, thank ya very much.

A lot of us watch these period TV shows because we're gaga over vintage 1960s fashions and latter-day styles. We've got Mad Men, the period drama about a New York ad agency and the darling of History professors and style gazers everywhere, along with new fall shows like Pan Am and The Playboy Club. I've only seen a couple of episodes of Mad Men, and some clips of Pan Am, which follows the glamorous lives of air hostesses (decade appropriate language, yo) working for the airline of the show's title.

Pan Am (with Christina Ricci, above): It's all about the air candy.

But I can tell you this, which may be so obvious it doesn't bear saying: These shows represent a romanticized 1960s aesthetic, one in which cigarettes, Bourbon, gloves, pillbox hats, suits and ties are fetishized images. The characters who wear these clothes and use these objects are attractive and exciting but often unhappy and - this is the big one - dissatisfied.

We're meant to understand that these characters are repressed, limited by their social categories in a world where gender and race roles are as rigid as Don Draper's slick hairdo. We're also intended to be encouraged by, say, early whiffs of female empowerment through professional careers. After all, these are shows about work -- with nods to the high-flying stewardesses in Pan Am and the ambitious secretaries in Mad Men.

At the same time, as viewers we're taken in by the glamor of the characters' ability to smoke and drink freely, toss off inappropriate language, and speak and act without the burden of our modern policy of political correctness. Shows like Pan Am and Mad Men indulge in these freedoms, making theater out of what smells like lust for bygone social norms.

It's a weird paradox -- on the one hand, these shows are critiquing the follies of the past, and on the other they're enamoured with them. Hey, modern television, your nostalgia for a (fictional) era of glamorized masculinity and femininity is showing.

Joan Harris (played by Christina Hendricks) vamps it up in Mad Men.

So, what does this mean? Are we living in conservative times? Check your underwear, ladies.

Yup. I think you can judge the climate of an era based on women's underwear.  The '20 witnessed the end of the corset. The '50s brought the corset back in the form of a girdle. The '70s saw the death of girdles. The '90s introduced thongs. Now it's all about the Spanx and ShapeWear. Could this be a '60s revival?

Oh yeah, it could be. Think about the crisp, gender-specific clothing styles and confining, body-shaping women's underwear of the '60s. If you start to see clothing as a representation of social moods, you start to wonder why we wear what we do, and why we like what others wear - or wore, in the case of vintage fashion nostalgia.

Clothes make the man and the woman in period TV dramas, but there's also what's underneath to consider. I remember teen flick 10 Things I Hate About You came out in 1999, when I was ten years old. There's a scene in the movie when the popular younger sister and her love interest (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) sneak into the bedroom of the rebellious older sister (Julia Stiles) to dig up some details on her. What do they find but a pair of black panties in a dresser drawer. The popular younger sister quips that owning black underwear is a universal sign that a girl wants to have sex.

This scene was a serious topic of discussion in the girls' locker room in my fifth grade gym class. Some girls were totally behind the movie truth that black panties indicate that you're down to have sex, while others were all, "Nah, girl."

Life lesson? Never doubt that movies and television can teach (and misinform) us about the power and meaning of clothes.

My, what a big book you have, 10 Things I Hate About You heroine! You thinking about sex or Sylvia Plath?

I'm glad I can re-hash my fifth grade locker room stories for you, and pretend they have some kinda intellectual context. Back to modern TV: Why do we like shows set during the '60s so much? Why are we so hot on the glamor of '60s clothing styles? Suffice it to say that history in TV shows and movies (and even our own memories) is mostly romanticization that is based on how we're feeling and thinking now. And I'm thinking that TV's current love for this decade tells us something about the present. After all, you can't escape the present in a period piece -- it comes through, whether in the dialogue or the make-up, or more interestingly in the tone.

We're informed by these pop culture re-writes of the past -- and sometimes we're just as naïve about what we're watching as a fifth-grader gleaning social truths from a teen comedy. I don't think most folks watch Mad Men to draw out social commentary or reflect on what the show expresses about the present day -- at least not consciously. We're following its exciting plotlines. And we're drawn in by the sex appeal, and smitten with the vintage fashions. And that's cool. But for me, it's all about the underwear. Sometimes it's what's under the clothes that's more fascinating than the clothes themselves. Especially when they tell you something about the times you're livin' in.