What Not To Wear

As consumers, we are a weak species. Every so often, we impulsively buy something that seems so unusual, necessary and absolutely worthwhile on the rack - or in a bin - and then experience shopper's regret once the thing is hanging in our own closet.

Not so with this decorated jean jacket, however. Not for a minute have I regretted being the owner of someone else's faded jean jacket with collar and cuffs painted to a bright pink crisp. They're crispy, alright.

Why the cowgirl-leanin'-on-a-fencepost pose? Well, when you're wearing a size large Levi Strauss jacket smattered with chili pepper and cowboy boot pins, you oughta show some confidence. I wore this jacket to the PDX airport for a flight to Houston through Phoenix, and let me tell you, I made no friends.

This is the great cultural divide, readers, represented by what you should and shouldn't wear depending on a city's vibe. What flies in Portland, crashes and burns in Phoenix. (Maybe that was an unfortunate pun considering we're talking about airports.) In any case, everyone on that airplane stared at me in slack-faced despair when I boarded in my denim. Not to mention that it was a seat yourself kind of flight, and I got stared down like the new girl from the Soviet block on the bus to American Central High in 1991. No one wanted to sit next to that ... jacket.

I'm sure some of these Arizona folks assumed that I must be too poor to shop at Juicy Couture, or that I was stuck in a time warp where 21 Jump Street was still on TV. Why else would I be swaddled in a glammed up jean jacket instead of trendy athletic gear?

This fashion tour bus hasn't come to a complete stop yet, though. You thought everyone was bowled over by the front of this jacket? Well, that ain't the full story.

What's this, you ask? It's a classic example of what a friend of mine likes to call New Mexico moon people art. That's right, it's a montage of coyotes in bandanas howling at the moon next to a couple of mountains and a cactus, and it's staring right at you when I'm standing in front of you in line. You see why those airport folk might have been a bit unfriendly and edgy?

Also, it was, like, 90 degrees where we were headed. So, you must be thinking, after all that flack, did I learn my lesson about what not to wear?

Of course! Now I know for next time, when I suit up in this piece of art on a jacket, I'll be polite as you please, I just gotta look a little surly. Where did I pick up this attitude? Well, I've owned it since I found it at the Goodwill Bins in Portland, Oregon.