Jack of All Trades, Master of None, Cry All The Time 'Cause I'm Not Having Fun

I'm an old lady. I live in the suburbs. I volunteer. And I collage.

I'm also a loyal user of the United States Postal Service. That's right, I write old-fashioned letters and I mail them ... in the mail. In fact, if you haven't been postal serviced recently, you oughta hit me up. Unless you're a weird lame-o who eats kittens for breakfast, but even then I might send you something, because why not?

Knocking my old lady cred: I'm also in the biz-ness of making mail-order mixtapes. But that's a surprise. More on that later!

Lately, I've been dabbling in monochrome, the color red, and glitter/glam. That gauche, flashy red is exactly what I'm talking about. Actually -- gauche? Flashy? What are these words? I just look and know that I want it.

Like this:

What what? An oversized red satin "Intimate Moods" dress top? Someone must have given in to Goodwill temptation. Now, you scold, isn't it tacky to post your lingerie items on the Internet for everyone to see? Well, nothing says schlock like red satin. It's incredibly cheesy! And surprise surprise, I am not actually gonna try on the thing.

Now, on to those glam moods that I was mentioning:

Glittery bon bons on a dress! Puts me in mind of France Gall's "Les Sucettes." (You should also watch the crazy music video with folks dressed in bonbon costumes, because subtlety is overrated.)

I've got some kinda 'tude here. Or maybe not enough for a black sheer dress (pack your slip!) with a glammed-up top that I found at Goodwill. Someone throw a party so I can wear it! But I'm resourceful, I'll keep on wearing it to my late-night runs to the grocery store. Are we having fun yet?

On a final note, this old lady has gotten tired of listening to Bobby Vinton croon to girls that they must be earth angels (poor dears, what a burden), so I've been rediscovering my old music and downloading all kinds of new music. If you haven't listened to The Organ before, it's time you did. And sad parties are every girl's favorite, so peep this:

Next blog post might look something like this: mixtapes, Southern bouffants, monochrome, The Feminine Mystique, and Missy Elliott.